"Lovers forever. Face to face. My city or mountains. Stay with me stay. I need you to love me, I need you today. Give to me your leather. Take from me my lace.."



You < Him
Me > You
SILY = AILY
always..

♥

La vita è bella

Life is beautiful.

So why do we just frown upon the bad things in our life? Why do we only want to talk about our stupid ass problems?
Perhaps it is because we want a craving of sympathy from others to feel what we are feeling.
And why the hell would we ever want that? Why would we want someone to be so miserable, or make them live in hell because of what you said, or do. Why should I let someone ruin my entire day, week, or anything just because they are a bitch, or a asshole.
I for one would oppose for anybody to ever feel like I did, or go through what I've been through.
No matter how much I don't like you, it's not right.
Personally, I enjoy the feeling of seeing people happy. And for whatever that reason may be for them.
I may not care on a day to day basis of what the fk you think of me, and I may also not care about a whole lotta other shit.
But I do care to see someone waste their lives over something or someone else. Stop mourning over yourself, get the fk over it, and move on.
Because life is beautiful. There are far more worst things than I've ever been through, and probably of which you have too.
We must overlook the problems, and instead brush them off our shoulders like Jay-Z or someone cool with a big smile right back at those assholes with no words left to be said. Because in the end they'll suffer far more worse than you ever did while your at home kicking back being a litto happy camper. Let them rot in their own hell with their inner guilt instead of trying to make hell for them. It's possibly the best revenge yet..

"You Only Get What You Give"

Or, "You only get what you deserve."
How pathetic are those piece of poop lines. I hate 'em so much.
Why?
Because what the fk did I ever do to get what I got.
What the hell did I ever do to deserve all this crazy nonsense.
I have given more than I have ever got, and I still end up getting nothing in return.
All I get is more, and more shit from another person each time.
Do I just give up and feel like a failure? Or do I continue pretending to be a savior?
Its not in my hands of what a person can do.
It's up to them. And how the hell do I stop it?
-The fk if I know.
The only hope I've had so far was her and that dream.
And so far, you've proved only but wrong to me..

I haven't been on this because my mind has been difunctional for the past week. It all finally caught up to me. All I've been doing is thinking about everything a person can possibly think of. And the thinking is leading me to be wordless with everything, and everyone. Kinda like that dude from Little Miss Sunshine. Why? Because if your wordless with everything, and everyone, you won't get blamed for some shit you really didn't do, or say. Soo I respond to everyone saying, "I don't know.." or "I don't remember.." or I just don't reply. I listen. It's my best answer. Blaaahhhh, and if I do reply, don't be mad that I'm telling you something you don't wanna hear. Sorrry, I truly doan k'yerr bitcheszz. And I have found just laughing, and smiling is the best solution. Although this week has been so shitty, I've been so grateful to just be here, phoneless and hibernating.
I don't think I'll be on here for a whileeee until I feel something really good or something. BUTTTTT:
Thank you Grahamy cracker for never failing to put a smile on my face. Thank you sisters, and Christopher for always being there with open arms, and open hearts. Thank you Mel dubby for listening, and being so happy and gay with Cobby. Thank you Gabriella for acting like a boy with me. Thank you Ateh Nat for just being so clueless, all day, err'day. Thank you Jazmin And Celynna for just spending weekends doing nothing, but having the best of times acting like lesbos'zz. Thank you Amberrr for being so cool. Thank you Andrew for putting me through every little thing to make my life like the best misery for the past 2 years and a half. Thank you Pasquale, [haha], for picking me up randomly just to chat with no gas. Thank you Darrell for not leaving and being there. And Thank you God for not being there..

I don't even know if people even read these? Those who do, thanks I guess.
Have a happy Saturday y'all (:

Hello,

Hello nobody.
I'am sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing.
I hate doing nothing.
I'am sucha spazz.
Hello pretty young thang.
How the heck are ya?
Hello childhood innocence.
I miss you.
Hello temptation.
You'are a frequent sinful visitor.
Hello babe.
I miss you a million times more.
Please show up in my dreams more often.
Please?
Hello unconditional.
Is it Tuesday yet?
You never fail to surprise me with your bullshit.
Hello love.
You haven't visited me yet.
I'am disappointed.
I've only seen your evil twin.
Infatuation.
Good bye infatuation.
I hate you.
You deserve to die.
Hello teenage boy.
You'are quite hormonic these days.
You never look me in the eye when you talk to me ever.
I don't know anymore.
Why you?
I don't know and I really wish I did.
There's got to be a reason why.
Hello teenage girl.
Do you ever stop with your sillyness?
Hello denial.
Do I know you?
Hello Beautiful Mama.
Rest In Peace. My promises to you are forever here.
And lemme tell ya, I'am doing my best.
We love you.
Hello God.
Where are you?
Why do I find you so difficult to reach?
I need you.
All the time.
Everyday.
Hello Sara.
Where are you going?

-.-

I'am not too sure why I am the way I am.
Meaning why I don't give a fk about alotta of things.
I don't know why I don't care 'bout school as much as I should.
I have the potential to be a 4.0 student, but I choose not to do my homework.
I hate studying.
I always zone out in class.
My teachers get mad at me for it.
I like reading, but I get distracted.
I don't know why.
I wish I did.
I wish I could change the evilness in my heart.
I wish I wasn't sucha bitch.
I just want the clutterness, and unnecessary bullshit out.
I just want to leave.
Not permanently, but temporarily.
So when I come back I can be who I really want to be.
And when I come back, you'll see me at my best.
And at my best is which of who I really am..

As you can see, if you didn't already know, this is a image of Adam and Eve with the serpent surrounding them as they are trapped inside the luscious, not so much luscious, green apple.
This is basically the story of our lives. Why? Because this is the story that pretty much started our faith in God as sinners. This is the story that showed us that it is okay if we sin, because in the end God will love you. He is the only person who can ever love each of us unconditionally all day, everyday.
Now how beautiful does that sound. He called and made for us to be sinners so that we can learn from our mistakes. So that we can see our imperfections in each other, and realize that it is okay that we are not perfect. To me, imperfection is beautiful. Why try to be perfect if we can never be? I realize that I make mistakes on a day to day basis. And I also realize that it is okay. I do not try to be perfect in everything I do because I will never be. There's always a mistake somehow, some way. All I can do is to try to love unconditionally.

Temptation: The shit each of us get ourselves into day after day into something that either society says is bad, your parents say is bad, your friends say is bad, or even the Bible (which is by the way just a book with parables to teach us the love God has for us and is not to be taken literal.) We do not know what God is thinking. We do not truly know what is good for us, and what is bad. How the hell would we know. We are just a group of people who say what is good or bad because we are surrounded by people who say what is right and what is wrong. I mean, sure. There are somethings that are truly bad for you and what not, but we are nobody to be the judge of that. I can not tell you that sex is bad, or taking birth control is bad. Or even something as simple as smoking weed, or drinking alcohol. Or even simpler as doing your goddamn homework. I'll let you be the judge of that, along with your best companion, God.

And if you don't have faith, I'll believe for you.

Happiness.

Why must we have to make fun of someone by saying something like, "Oh, look at her bright red lip stick. She looks hidious." Or, the way people are. For example like scene kids. A lot of people make fun of them for who knows why. I mean, if it makes them happy, then why the hell not?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Do we make fun of people because our lives aren't as exciting and interesting? Or is it because we have small minds?

To be quite honest, I mean, sure. I do get a kick out of it once in a while. It does make the people around me laugh, and I laugh along with them because sometimes it is funny. But is it honestly making me happy? Does it make the people around me happy that I'm physically pointing out something mean about someone that maybe I'm jealous of, or a quality that I may not have? It's imperative that we will all make fun of people no matter what. Why? Because as humans we are too arrogant to ever let that sort of pride go. Making people laugh is a small goal for all of us because we like the feeling of being funny. We but only think it is making us happy.

Miss Roosevelt also said, "Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product."

It doesn't make me happy to make fun of someone or something. It just makes me look like a fool. It also just makes you look like a moron for laughing. So the next time I'm ready to point out something mean, I will be sure to reassure myself before saying it so I can take this block of nonsense that is filled with dumb cluterness away from my life to make it simple. I will not judge someone because of what they wear, or of what they do. If they want to be cheated on everyday and not listen to anybody, fine. If they want to kill their brains slowly, but surely by doing E, then go for it. Obviously its making them happy so why the hell should I care what makes a person happy?

-Making someone laugh will not be my goal. It doesn't even equal happiness. Doing a good deed, or something useful for my life will be utter, and true, complete happiness for me. At least it'll do for now.

Get Over It, Hag.

Hahaha, this is probably my favorite thing to tell someone. If you didn't already know, its from Bring It On (The first one, not the 10th.) It's so funny and simple--Something in which people aren't.

I don't go on Myspace as much because I'm just cluttering my life with unnecessary things. For example reading comments, and looking at people's pages to see who is talking to who, or who doesn't like who. Why should I fkn care? Its not my business, nor is it yours.


*"Our best virtue has for its occasion a superfluous And evitable wretchedness."
-Bring on the simplicity, bitches.

Originality?

Originality: (noun)
1.
the quality or state of being original.
2.
ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.
3.
freshness or novelty, as of an idea, method, or performance.


Mm, So0o as I was reading some shizz today, and I find it amusing on how people think that they are so "original". Shut the fk up. So0o0o annoying. There is nothing original about you, or your stupid friends. We did not start anything. We started to get even but a slight, single thought from the people around us, who we grew up with, or whatever your case is. We got an idea of how to dress by seeing people around us dress the same exact way. We got an idea of intelligence from hearing and seeing things that we maybe shouldn't have.

What is original about us? Nothing really. What is original is the way we can express ourselves from day to day on a daily basis, yet its' still unoriginal. All we did was get an idea. Almost everything came from something else. We got an idea to write something because we have seen it somewhere before, and made it our own. Its not original, but we make it to be our own so it can be expressed more in detail to how you feel -- So where it won't be like plagiarism or something. We are nothing but little fiends from the people way before us.
-We are not original, so shut up.

Revelation

I'm gonna let love fly in even though I've seen the darkest form of life.

Your Answers, Dumb Bitch.

I have a mentality of a boy, or at least I think I do.

Yesterday as I was at Mellissa's house, we were conversing and such. I was reading her blogs, and there was 2 of them that truly took my mind away into a different state, as the others blurred out. The 2 that made me think about myself, and what is going on in my life are 2 that are about love. Eesh, yes. Sucha strong, yet weakening word. As I was read them, I couldn't stop reading them. I read it over, and over again until my brain, and my heart could give me solid answers for myself. And finally, I had gotten them.
Let's set the records straight for you dumb bitches, yes especially you, who is psychotic and likes to make weird, dumb, shit up.
The past 2 years, have truly been the best. Although, there was a bunch of drama, all of it led to the biggest impact on my life. Yes, He was and had the biggest impact on my life. Yes, He was truly my hero. Yesm, I "fell" hard for Him knowing it would never work. No, I don't feel the same way now. Yes, He hurt me, and as Mellissa said, He did make a hole in my heart. No, I'm not sitting here mourning everyday and moping around here like some dumb bitch feeling sorry for myself because it was my own fault for getting into it. No, I'm not in love with Him anymore. Yes, there will almost always be a memory in my heart of what we had. No, you think you know, but you have no fkn idea. Yes, you can continue talking because I'm over it, unlike you. Yes, Him and I occasionally have our differences and sometimes rekindle something still knowing our feelings would only last for about a week. Yes, I always end up leaving or not liking someone as much because I get scared for another hole. Yes, I left and didn't give it my all with my previous ex's because of Him. Yes, I lied. Yes, I almost always lie. Yes, I sometimes go back because He's probably the only person who knows the whole truth about almost everything. Yes, that's why I stop talking to people because I hate having to explain my shitty past to them. Yes, he understands. Yes, he's like my best friend. No, you still don't understand it. No, I don't want to commit suicide over Him, you stupid bitch. Yes, occasionally I am a fool. Yes, we are not friends every other fkn week. Yes, I'm over it. No, I really don't care. Yes, I sometimes think about it. No, you still don't get it. Yes, its much more complicated and weirder than any situation your stupid ass will ever be in. Yes, you can continue pretending that he's your "man", when really he has a mentality that you don't, yet think you understand. Yes, he can give a fuck. Yes, you and your dumb friends can "jump" me, ha.

Everyone has a different perspective on this love shit. I for one have been in love. My perspective? Its not that I can't get over Him because I loved Him so much, blablabla bull shit. Its just that I think that I will never be able to let go of someone who made the biggest impact on my life. I wouldn't want to not know that person anymore because I'd feel like I let HER down because I promised her I would stick around to take care of Him. Little do you, yes you, know any of that. You know nothing. And you don't know what kind of connection I have with Him or His family. So shut your dumb mouth because I'm sick of you. You caused everything yourself. Do not blame me, Him, or anybody else for you being a fool. You don't know Him. Because if you did, you would never go back, or even trust Him enough in that way to be His girl friend. You cause everything upon yourself. And one day I hope that you aren't so stupid because I truly feel sorry for you. Its not that your a bad person, and that I hate you because I really don't know you. I'm just sick of hearing of what you say, so it makes me not like you because I am so annoyed. I say mean things about you because I don't care. And don't try to act innocent because I know you have said plenty and far more worst things than I can ever say about your lanky ass. Which you semi have a reason to. And which after reading all this, I'll probably be hearing more stories of how I supposedly wanted to commit suicide. But its okay, I don't care if you or your friends read this a hundred times. I'm stronger than that, and stronger than you will ever be. I have the ability to move the fk on, which I'm glad that I do. I have come to accept your drama-like ways that come along with ridiculous rumors. Which is understandable I guess. If I were in your position, I maybe would do the same. Yet, I don't think I would because my mentality is far more different than yours. I'm sorry for what happened. I really didn't mean it. Although considering the fact I didn't know anything, but you can continue changing that story around too. And I really don't care about your past with Him. Stop thinking He is this dude from the fkn 7th And 8th grade. He's different. Realize: He lies. I haven't known Him as long as you have, and I experienced His change too. Your not the only one.

Why do I think I am a boy? Because I confuse myself more than anyone in the world. I have come to realize that my mind changes on what I want almost everyday, just like Him. I lie about a lot. I don't try to be everyones friend and become close with people. I rarely get deep with anybody. If you know things about me, your special. And no, knowing things I've done doesn't count. I don't fall for stupid shit anymore. And I realize what I'm doing before I do it. I understand fully of what I'm getting myself into day to day with everything I do, and I understand all the consequences. Yet, I continue doing it because I don't give a fk. I don't care about a lot, or most things. I hate too many things, and I wish to change soon.

I'm pretty simple. I like simple things. A simple boy would be nice. A simple boy who has somewhat of a perfect smile, and a unique, different personality. I understand everyone is unique, but unique to a different extent. An extent only I would know. What I hope is that someone comes along and changes my view about everything. Someone that doesn't really know me, doesn't know my past, and who doesn't wish to know it. Someone who has a mind of their own, and minds their own. Someone who doesn't listen somebody else trying to tell them my past. Someone to make me not lie about everything. Someone to take it all away, because that someone will make me be willing to let my guard down once more, and have a 50% chance of making another hole. And to me, that is a big change. But, if I don't find someone like that, then its okay. I'm not eager for it at all, and I am able to wait for something good. As a matter of fact, I don't even want a boy friend, or really any another guy.

Who knows what love really is. I can not tell you, or anybody else on how they feel about a person or how many times you can or can not be in love with people. I would never know because I am not you. Nor do I ever wish to be..


p.s. And if you could, then you know you would..

New.

New Year, New People, New Bullshit, New Caca!
Yet, New Not So Much Me?
Hmmft, I don't think I need that much changing to do right nowzzz.

My New Years Resolutions To Become Simpler..
Number 1: Will not be revealed yet. Its' riskay :x
Number 2: Visit Daddy every Sunday after Church.
Number 3: Become more caring towards some things.
Number 4: Let go of grudges.
Number 5: Let go of bullshit. Especially yours.
Number 6: Accept what is around me, rather than ignoring it.
Number 7: Give new people a better chance.
Number 8: Get a bomb tummy that doesn't look like my little sisters.
Number 9: Continue to do yoga.
Number 10: Get bomb at piano.
Number 11: Get my 4.0 at my dumb ass school.
Number 12: Study more.
Number 13: Don't procrastinate :O
Number 14: Be sorta how I used to be, but in a older, nice, fashioned way.