Daddy.

I love my dad a lot. Even though he reminds me of my little brother a lot, which happens to be: annoying, loving, an asshole, stupid, funny, all of which the kind of person you always want to be around regardless of what goes on.
If you didn't already know, my parents got a divorce when I was about 4 or 5. No bigggy since all they would do was fight any way. But, of course my mother got custody,and my dad only got to see/have us every other weekend. Whatever, whatevaaa, blahblah, all that stuff. For the first couple of months, and years, this routine continued until my older brother and I started growing up. My mother remarried about 2 years after the divorce and I hated her for it. I did not want another dad, yet but only my own. I only liked my step dad when he would buy us things. Other than that, I was a brat --which I still am to this day with them.
The more I grew up, the less I went over. I started being a girl and acting like one, since I was always surrounded by boys/men growing up. The less I went over, the more I grew apart from my dad. No more going to the zoo, no more eating yu-yu's pizza, no more seeing Mocha, no more nothing.
There was a point where I rarely saw him and that point becomes a big blur to me. He got into his own thing: drugs, alcohol, new girls, And little did we know he was slowly disappearing from us. Little did I know, I wasn't his only girl anymore.
He wasn't like a normal dad as I wanted and wish he would've been. He wouldn't go to all of our games, go see us at plays, go watch us compete, or anything. He would only go if my mom would call him, yelling at him giving him the guilt trip. And each time he would come, he would look and act different almost every time. Hahaha, the one time I remember when he was trying to be "hip" And cool. That was a good sort of neat disguise. But, instead of him being my dad, my step dad started to try and take the role which I hated him trying to do.
Time flew by, and he grew out of this scene of changing kind of thing. He got screwed over by some dumb bitch, crashed his porsha the first month he had it *mind you while he was drunk, took "time" off work, ended up not working there anymore, and everything was just falling down on him. He started to go to therapy, and see us more.
One day, I got a random phone call from him. I was laying on my bed, and I saw "daddy" calling. I answered thinking that he just wanted to come visit, or for my brothers and I to go over. When I answered, he sounded serious and I got really scared because I knew he had been going to therapy. So of course he would finally admit, and breakdown one day. That day, was that day. I thought he was giving me his last phone call and was on the verge of committing suicide or something. I didn't know what to think, yet I just listened. He told me he was sorry for not being in our lives as often as he should have and wanted to. That I was his girl and that he was going to change for the better. That he loved us, and me very much.
As he hung up the phone, I ran out of my room and to my mom in tears. She got scared and asked what had happened. I couldn't talk, but I gave her my phone, redialed my dad's number, and ran back into my room crying. I couldn't stop because I couldn't believe what was happening. The man whom I had once seen as perfect, no matter what, had broke down on me.
The rest of the day, was also another blur. I just remember not doing anything, and my day being somewhat ruined.
Now, I'm starting to go over more often. Its' always nice and fun when we go. Never as boring as I think. I love spending time with my daddy, although it doesn't seem like it because I always think I have better things to do. Other than that, I'm like him. We are both weird, and have a very distinct mind that nobody will ever get. I don't have his sense of stupidity/humor as my little brother does, but its okay.

Since you've always kept up with technology, and you finally have a MySpace, if you ever happen to get to this and read, thank you for everything. Thank you for my piano, Thank you for coming back, And thank you for your lovin'.
I love you daddy, your my number one and you will never be replaced.




2nd New Years Resolution: Go to my Daddy's house every Sunday after church..

Story Time.

Christmas Eve And Christmas were great. This year, I spent it with my dad's side of the family. And let me tell you, they are truly a trip, and really funny. You would think it wouldn't be as fun since there isn't as many people as my moms, but it was. I stood up all night just talking to my cousins that I hadn't talked to in a while since I rarely go over anymore, which by the way is not intentionally. But, we had so much to say and tell each other as if we have never met before. Talking to them reminded me of when we were little and all the stupid things we used to do. We would always play this crane game, or hang my little cousin's underwear on top of a tree to piss him off, or make the same cousin dress up as a girl to get in our "secret club" we didn't even have and only made up to see him with make-up, dress, and heels on. Or when I was trying to do a magic trick with a bead, and got it stuck up my nose. Or when we went to Mexico and my older brother fell through the tree house and cut his whole leg while being the announcer dude from the soccer games. Hahah, or when we kept eating this really good stuff that my tia kept giving us with chili and lemon, until we found out it was pig balls. Or the point in time where my 2 cousins, little brother, and I were obsessed with sour bubble gum And the day we started calling it funny gum. Why? Because my dad and nina were smoking a blunt in the back yard, and little did we know what the fuck that was, so0o0o when they came back in the house, they were laughing at everything we were saying. And of course, being little we thought it was funny too. Now, we know of course that they called it funny gum only because they were high off their asses, haha. Now, they always tell us to go get them some funny gum knowing that we now what they fucken mean.
Some of the best and worst times happened with my dad's family. I would have to say that the worst was when we all seen my grandma die the day we all came back from a nice day at Catalina Island. Everyone on my dad's side went, except my grandpa. He stood home, as if he knew something bad would happen that night. That day was wonderful. The night, not so much. The next day, she passed away. In a way, it was a nice way to go. The last day of her life being taken away from her, not knowing it would come so soon, but the fact that she got to spend it with all of us. It was nice.

Hmmft, that's enough stories for tonight.
G'nighhht.

Always..

I believe that our mistakes are what makes our fate because without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. And so do people. People come into your life and people go all for a reason I suppose you can say. We may not fully understand the reason, but its always comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart.

I've made many mistakes. Many that most people still dwell on til this day for some odd stupid reason. Some mistakes by accident, others because I didn't know, and other times because I was a fool. I'm not too sure, but those mistakes made me stronger -- although I don't understand a lot of things. In fact, I don't know a lot of people as it may seem like I do. Just the other day I realized just because I know someone for a long time, doesn't mean I know them--If that makes sense. I don't know why I even bother with everything and everyone I do. I for sure can not always please everyone but to please myself first. So why bother? If it makes me happy, then I should go for it. Although it seems like a selfish thing to do, its' most likely the best decision for everyone. But then I think 'bout it, you need to make yourself happy in order to make someone else happier. Or you need to love yourself, in order to give love to someone else. Maybe I end up bothering because I always think some kind of magical thing is going to happen? Perhaps its because I like to think that my life isn't always so complicated? I don't know.

What I do know is that not everything has to make sense. Especially for you, my beautiful. If awaiting here for you doesn't fully make sense, I know that it can be right. Always bitching to you, and fighting about lots of different things for absolutely no reason when we are but nothing anymore. One day you'll thank me for all this nonsense..


P.S. She did. So can you?

If Only

If only people knew the truth about things. The whole truth. Everything would be so much better. I laugh all the time because how can a person be so stupid. The facts are right in front of you, and you choose to live your life like some sort of princess or something. Girls especially way more than guys. Girls are soo stupid. I admit that I'm probably one of the most intricate individuals out there. I never know what I want with this beautiful gift we have -- life. I want this, and want that. Then there's the I don't want this, and don't want that. I say I don't know to a lot of things because I truly do not know. I confuse myself more than I've been confused by anybody in my life. I'm not very open with people for who knows why. Perhaps its because I don't trust anyone. But I do know that I'm not dumb anymore. Of course I used to be before-- one of the biggest fools out there. I made the biggest mistakes and the most wrong decisions I have ever made growing up. Pffft, and don't worry it sure did bite me in the ass later on. But I learned. I learned not to be so stupid and think intelligently and over analyze everything. Perhaps that's why I have the ability to figure out everything without anybody telling me a word, or just by somebody telling me the smallest words. OR maybe that's why I can tell how a person is by looking at them. Yes, I do judge-- not even going to lie. But I still make mistakes, and I probably will in about a hour. But its okay. I'll get by whether you are here to help me even if I don't tell you everything. And for those who have been there, thank you. I truly appreciate you. Don't get me wrong, I do trust you but just not a lot. There's only certain things I trust about you or trust you with. I don't trust anybody, I'm sorry. That's just the way I am. He sure is right though. There's only so much a person can say or do to make you feel better about yourself or your security with them. Their words don't always make a person feel better. It takes time. Maybe that's why things haven't happened the way I expected em' to be. Maybe that's why he says the things he says, and does what he pleases. Who knows? Because I sure don't. I'm still learning.

:)

Why hello0o0o there.

Me llamo Sara, Surra, Syrup, Sara Wara, Surraa Lee, Surraa Tee, blablabla!

I'm new to this shi, and I curse a lot. I have a mind of some crazzzy woman. I laugh at almost everything. I hate too much & love too little. I like to pretend to be gh3tt0 f@b. I don't care about a lot and and I'm still finding myself. Let's plaaaaay, as I always say :D

T0o0o-da-lo0o0o

p.s. "Get lyk3 mehhh!"
hahaha ;)